Wow, it's so surreal being able to write a post and have a blog - I feel like I'm some super star ready to debut! (Please excuse my awkward self~)
Hello everyone!
I'm your ordinary teenager, 100% full bred Singaporean and STILL in school. You're probably thinking why a student like me is writing a blog instead of studying, so here's a little background about me and why I have created this blog. I feel that in order for you to get the best out of this blog, a few facts of me need to be released to you so here we go! ^_^
My love for Beauty
I started ballet at the tender age of 4; my mother wanted me to get some sort of exercise and ballet seemed to do the trick. I had a burning passion for it - unlike other 4 year olds, I never cried for 'mummy' or ever said 'I don't want to go to ballet class'. This burning passion continued to burn as I grew older, eventually into adolescence. After joining a ballet school intended to train children to be able to join professional companies, I decided to go for ballet competing around the world. My first international competition was when I was 10 in the USA. Since then till I was 14 I repeatedly went for various competitions, international and local. During this period, we had to do our own makeup, tie our own hair and get ready all by ourselves. With my curious mind, I hopped onto YouTube and watched countless beauty gurus do their makeup, teach beauty hacks and tips. As I watched, I was so fascinated by how makeup can make someone look so awake, fresh and even a totally different person. Immediately, I ran to my mother's make up table and tried to do what these beauty gurus did. I knew it - I love makeup. I love doing my hair. I loved the self-confidence it gave me.
I still remember the first huge makeup haul I bought (well my mother bought) from my first visit at Sephora ION. The tremendous array of makeup and nail polish caught me dumbfounded; I grabbed nearly everything that was under the budget my mother gave me and I remember being the happiest girl alive. I did my face at least once a day to practice and try new looks. I even wore a super natural makeup to school because it made me feel confident. (in secondary school - HAHAHA REBEL ALERT) Soon enough with tremendous amount of practice (countless makeup/hair rehearsals, performances and competitions), I became the 'makeup artist' and the 'hair stylist' amongst my dance mates. They'd ask me to tie their hair for them, draw their eyeliner or stick on false lashes; I remember feeling so useful and brimming with self-confidence. Makeup and beauty had become part of who I was.
The Hiccup
You know when you grow older and hormones begin to take over your body? Well, acne began to blotch my face and I put on weight - all the reason I need to use makeup right? My ballet teacher told me if I wanted to continue going to competitions, I needed to lose weight to ___ kg so that I won't be penalised by judges. I began to starve myself and spent 24/7 at the dance studio, somehow juggling my academics at the same time. I went to school with makeup for A WHOLE YEAR, just to cover up my blemishes and 'imperfections'. I lost more and more weight until I became a walking lifeless soul. It came to a point where I couldn't lose more or I would be entering the 'hell zone' and become underweight for my height. My face lost it's colour and became even more damaged with acne due to the makeup I used, my hair & nails became brittle but I didn't care. My ballet teacher indoctrinated me into thinking I'm too fat and I need to be skinny. Skinny skinny skinny. Pretty pretty pretty. Perfect perfect perfect. Eventually, it came to a point where my body couldn't take the torture my mind's tricks were playing at. My face was full of blemishes from the makeup used to hide my 'imperfections', my body was breaking down and most importantly, I was psychologically damaged. I took up the courage to break away from this dangerous cycle - the thing that has been driving my self-confidence and my LIFE for 15 years. I remember writing a letter to them to confront them of the disorder that I may have and countless nights of crying myself to sleep. Luckily, as understanding as my parents were they sent me to a psychologist. She diagnosed me with anorexia nervosa and social anxiety. Though I didn't have to go inpatient, I was in the beginning stages of the disorder and she was glad I was willing to get it cured quickly.
Realisation & Recovery (TODAY)
Through therapy sessions weekly, I learnt that beauty is not what's on the outside. It's what's on the inside. Inner beauty. I never believed in this phrase but this whole experience proved me so. There is no need to beautify myself just so that I can look presentable. People care more about your personality rather than looks. They don't laugh at you for having a blemish or dark circles, do they?As I began to realise these, I stopped having an abusive relationship (thats what I consider) with makeup - wearing makeup to school - and took slow steps to fight my fear of food. I learnt to accept myself for who I am and what my body and face is like. At the same, I began to look at makeup in a different perspective. I relived the memories I had as a 11 year old - going to Sephora for the first time and drooling over the array of makeup products. I look to makeup now as a way to show my personality, to express myself and I made it become a form of 'manners' (whenever I go to a gathering/party/out on the weekends, I'll wear it then). It doesn't hide my imperfections anymore, it is another platform to show my inner self to others. Every time I do it, it's different and I do it depending on how I'm feeling on that day. Despite still going for therapy sessions and some struggles here and there, I wish do my part in the beauty industry and promote inner beauty. On this blog, I will be reviewing products (mostly Asian beauty products), makeup tutorials, life tutorials and supporting anyone who has gone through a similar experience or struggling to make ends meet. I hope that you'll enjoy this blog and as you read, you'll be reminded that beauty starts from the inside and not outside and that BEAUTY is never perfection.
Last but not least, WELCOME! I will be working a posting schedule and how I should go about organising things - I'll get back to it later!
Yours sincerely,
Kathleen T.K.H <3
(aka. your big sister)
(I CREDIT AND SALUTE THOSE WHO ARE READING THIS NOW - THANK YOU FOR READING! IT MEANS A LOT! ^_^)